The Home Stretch

Brittany’s wedding is two weeks away. If I stopped getting ready for it right now, it would still happen.

It’s tempting.

My sister told me when she heard that it would be a 14 month engagement that I would regret it because I would feel like we had enough time to make it “perfect”.

And while I don’t regret it, I do see what she means.

I thought we were so far ahead since we had picked out all the big stuff a year ago. The venue, the DJ, the florist, the menu, the photographer... We were on top of it! And it’s not like Brittany and I don’t discuss it on the phone everyday. It seemed like everything was going so smoothly, and we'd be able to pat ourselves on the back and more or less coast into the big event.

But some things that I had gotten out of the way early need to be done again. Pressure washing done in the spring, bushes trimmed, trees cut back, even some painting that John did early this summer doesn’t look that fresh. I really need to redo ALL of it in the next two weeks!

And of course all the storms have made it hard to get my yard in shape. Sometimes I’ve wished that I had let her have the wedding in Charleston. I could just pack my suitcase, lock up the house and go party!

We’ve also changed our minds about a lot of things related to the ceremony and reception and have gone 180 degrees in a different direction in some cases. I was putting together time lines for the weekend today and rereading emails Brittany and I have been sending back and forth all year and was surprised by all the changes we’ve made. (Which we wouldn’t have had time for with a four month engagement!) And as the changes were made closer and closer to the event we stopped trying to get the best deal and just did whatever it took to make it happen in time. (And be perfect.)

So my sister was right. There seemed like there was plenty of time to plan the perfect wedding. And because of that I’ll keep on trying until the very last minute.

But I promise you this. On the wedding day I’m locking the door behind me and I’m going to party!

The Beautiful Day

A friend of mine recommended a book to me recently called The Beautiful Day. She said I should read it since Brittany is getting married. It’s about a mom and daughter planning the daughter’s wedding and then what happens at the actual wedding weekend.

The only difference between them and us is that mom is dead and communicating through a notebook she left behind, and I am still very much alive and communicating my ideas through email and the phone.

I love computers – you can nag long distance so easily!

Things have actually been going really well. For the first time in my life I am allowed to repeat and repeat myself because she’s just as afraid as I am of something falling between the cracks.

We’ve also been bonding every evening after the mail comes when I call and tell her what rsvps have come back that day.

But shopping for THE DRESS was a highlight! And it meant a day trip. Even dad came! And bless him for not once mentioning he was the only male in the store!

We drove to Charlotte on a Saturday morning in probably the worst storm of the summer. (And we’ve had some bad ones this year!) Naturally with the weather the way it’s been for the past two months we’ve been worried about our decision to have the ceremony outside.

Last year when we put a deposit down on the venue I asked the manager where we would hold it if it rained that day. His answer? “It’s not going to rain!”

Now I’m not so sure. But we still haven’t come up with a plan. I WANT to be optimistic. I WANT it to be sunny and beautiful so that we can take lots of pictures all over the grounds of this wonderful house. There’s a gazebo, balconies and a double curved stairway outside that are meant to be in wedding pictures!

I never thought I would consider an outdoor ceremony for this very reason. That I’d be worried for months before that it would get rained out. And this summer hasn’t alleviated my fears.

That’s why the book was helpful. First it made me grateful that I’m here for the event! And second something the wedding planner character said at the end of the book. He said he had done about two hundred and fifty weddings. Some in unbearable humidity, some in scorching heat, some in rainstorms and even a few in blizzards (in April!)

But every one of them was beautiful.

One Big Happy Family

Brittany’s fiancé has met my extended family and the wedding is still on. My brother and sisters and I threw a party for my mom’s birthday in Chicago last month and just about everyone flew in for the weekend, including Brittany and Dan. I’m always a little surprised by how large my family is. We don’t live anywhere close to any of them and it isn’t that often we all get together, so when we do I’m a bit shocked.

It turned out to be a good time for Dan to meet everyone because there were so many other things going on he wasn’t the center of attention. However he was quickly adopted as a member of the “outlaws”. (Other families call those people who marry into their families “in-laws”, but not ours. This brave group chose their own nick name early on and every family photo session includes a picture of them.)

This kind of got me thinking about how some groups are easier to fit into then others and also how people act differently with different groups. For instance I act one way with my current and local friends and another when I’m with my family: becoming my mom’s “baby”, my siblings’ little sister or my nieces’ aunt.

I’m really not surprised Dan slid in with barely a ripple though. I once heard a joke that all you have to do is have a long layover at O’Hare airport and Chicagoans will accept you as one of their own. My mid-western family is like that; very easy going and welcoming. Blood relation, “outlaw”; everyone’s treated the same.

Because we were both raised that way John and I always expect to fit into any group easily too. A couple weekends ago we went to Charleston for both Mother’s Day and Brittany and Dan’s birthdays. They had a barbeque one night and we really enjoyed hanging out with their friends. We’re used to having friends of all ages and got quite competitive in a rousing game of Catch Phrase after dinner. When the party was over though John asked me, “Did you notice their friends kept calling us mom and dad?” I had. And it seemed a little strange because I’d been thinking of them as peers all evening.

But like Dan in Chicago, we were accepted. In one role or another! Just one big happy family!

Sometimes technology doesn't take the cake!

My world (like everyone else’s) depends on technology. Whether I want it to or not.

I was talking to John on the phone the other day when I heard a beep over the line. I asked him if someone was trying to call in and he said no he just got a news alert on his phone that a new pope had been elected. 15 minutes later I saw the breaking news flash on my computer home page.

John can also control the stereo in our house remotely which he finds great fun. I was coming into the house one day when suddenly I was surrounded by the music of Andrea Bocelli. John, who was at work, but apparently does sometimes listen to me and knew my schedule, decided to welcome me home with my favorite music playing.

He does that with the air conditioning and heat too. We have thermostats that can also be turned on and off and up and down from anywhere and he knows when I’m going to the gym so he’ll turn the heat down and then turn it back up before I get home. I know this because one time I skipped! And it got cold in the house!

Brittany and I have depended on technology while planning her wedding too. Besides the normal hundreds of phone calls and emails we’ve each sat at our own computers while on the phone combing through the guest list. She’s also taken pictures of decorations she wants incorporated into flower arrangements and emailed them to the florist who can do a mock up that she will send back for Brittany’s approval. The florist herself told me how easy her job is now because the brides all come in with pictures of arrangements they’ve found online.

The DJ was booked and planned all by email as he lives in South Carolina. And like many brides Brittany has a website allowing family and friends to keep up on the plans.

But there was one thing we couldn’t do online or remotely. The cake tasting. Brittany came home last weekend with a list: walk-through where we’ll be having the rehearsal dinner, meet with the event planner at the ceremony venue to go over that menu, look at my veil to see if we could have it remade for her and dozens of other loose ends. All of which we could have done with pictures and emails. But not the tasting.

We were told to allow an hour and a half for the event. The lady was as sweet as her cakes and it didn’t take us nearly that long to choose a cake that Brittany loved. It was fun to do this “live”! The woman even said not to worry about saving the top of the cake for their first anniversary. As remaking it would be her gift to the bride and groom!

Now that was icing on the cake and something technology will never be able to do!

Waiting for her groom!

We still have Brittany's playroom set up exactly how it was when she was growing up. The other day I was in there cleaning and saw a picture she had of her wearing my wedding dress when she was 11 years old.

I picked it up thinking I'd scan it and send it to her and saw on the back; the date and "Wedding day" Daniel's wife Brittany (in her mothers dress!)

This is so fun because neither of us can think of a Daniel she knew back then and of course 14 years later she found him!!

Maybe Sometimes Means Yes

Everyone has been on one side of this conversation or the other; a child says, “Mom, can we…” and mom says, “Maybe.”

The kid replies, “But, mom I REALLY want to!” And the mom says, “I SAID maybe!”

Next the kid says, “But MAYBE always means no!” And the mom says, “No it doesn’t, maybe means maybe!”

This can go on and on, but you know how it goes. You’ve been there.

Brittany came home last weekend to meet with the photographer she was hoping to book for her wedding and also to view wedding venues. Both of these were after much online searching and talking to other brides about their experiences.

It was a busy weekend! We were literally on the go from the moment she pulled into the drive until she left two days later. We did manage to do a lot of fun things too, but the wedding was the main focus of our conversation.

It’s still a year away, but already things were booking up. So I had my check book ready!

All along she had been talking about the Mosteller Mansion, but I wanted to keep our options open. I felt like we needed to have a choice. So we had narrowed it down to three.

The first one was really really nice and we have been to a lot of weddings there. But something we couldn’t quite put our finger on wasn’t exactly right. Next we went to the Mosteller Mansion. We both liked it. A lot. But it was the most expensive of the bunch so I held out hope for the third one. When we got there though I knew right away it wouldn’t work. They did things their way and talked right over our ideas.

So we went back to the Mosteller Mansion and wrote the check.

Oh, you’re wondering what all that “maybe” talk in the beginning had to do with this?

Well, when Brittany was about ten years old she and I went to a Chamber event at the Mosteller Mansion. We had a great time exploring the beautiful house and when we went down the two long curving stairways to the back patio, Brittany said, “Mom, wouldn’t this be the perfect place for a wedding? Do you think I could get married here someday?”

And I said, “Maybe.”

So sometimes maybe does actually turn out to mean yes!

And the Wedding Plans Begin

When Brittany got engaged and said they had decided on an October 2013 wedding, I thought we would start talking about it in November or December.

Silly me.

The emails and phone calls have been flying. Venue ideas, food ideas, bridesmaid dresses, rehearsal dinner, did I like this photographer’s website?

They’ve even already registered at Belk because the store was having a Bridal fair the week after they got engaged. Brittany was a little disappointed that Dan didn’t enjoy walking around the store picking out things they might like for their house so when John and I went to visit them in Charleston over Labor Day weekend I went with her to Williams and Sonoma.

It made me really want to replace all of my own stuff.

We’d be marking a pitcher and I would say, “If you get two of these can I have one?” And Brittany would reply, “We won’t get two, that’s why we register!”

I can see why Dan didn’t have fun.

Then she showed me a spreadsheet on line that tracks wedding guests. You put the odds of them actually coming and it tells you the number you can most likely expect. We sat down with Dan and started making up a guest list. It was way too big even with the percent the spreadsheet promised wouldn’t show up. After a frustrating hour we decided to put it aside until spring when we’ll see if we still like all those people.

Next we looked at Pinterest. Brittany showed me all the boards she’s been putting together of wedding dresses, color schemes, cakes, flowers, etc. etc. From there we would click on other people’s Pinterest sites with all of their wedding ideas. It was quite overwhelming. Brittany says “everyone” gets all of their ideas from Pinterest now. In fact there’s a cartoon where a lady is telling a bride, “I got married before Pinterest.” And the bride looked really sad for her.

Which got me wondering, “will everything we decide on for Brittany’s wedding be judged by everyone who goes onto Pinterest?” Isn’t it hard enough to make sure all the relatives get along and the guests have fun without wondering what all of the world wide web will think after it’s over?

Actually at this point I’m pretty sure if Brittany is happy with her big day (and we live through it) I won’t really care what anyone else thinks.